Solo Play and Self-Exploration
A Journey of Empowerment and Self-Discovery
“Solo play is the impassioned rehearsal where the self takes centre stage, allowing the soul to shine in its most authentic performance."
-Fanny Brice
Engaging in solo play and self-exploration can be transformative, shedding light on our deepest desires and empowering us to embrace our sexuality with confidence. In cultivating this kind of intimate self-awareness, we not only pave the way for our personal sexual gratification but also build a platform for enhancing communication and our experience of partner sex.
Understanding ourselves and our body is a journey of self-discovery, and my experience as an intimacy and sexuality coach has shown that this can be incredibly empowering.
Beyond the prospect of empowerment, there are many benefits to self-exploration and ways to enhance your experiences of pleasure and intimacy, both alone and with a partner. I hope you’ll find some of the guidance here helpful and you continue on your own journey towards sexual expansion, and gain the knowledge and confidence you need to embrace solo play as a means of exploring your desires, understanding your body and subsequently unlocking greater sexual satisfaction.
The Benefits of Solo Play and Self-Exploration
The practice of solo play offers numerous physical, emotional, and mental benefits that extend far beyond the obvious gratification of a good orgasm! There are other rewards too, which include:
1. A deeper understanding of their desires
Solo play provides an opportunity to become intimately attuned to your body, helping you uncover what truly excites, satisfies, and fulfils you.
2. Enhanced sexual pleasure with partners
The insights gained through solo play can be communicated to your partner, enhancing your shared experiences.
3. Improved mental wellbeing
The neurochemicals released (such as endorphins) during solo play and orgasm can boost mood, alleviate stress, and encourage positive connections between body and mind.
4. Empowerment and self-confidence
Acknowledging and embracing your desires liberates you from externally imposed standards, instilling a profound sense of self-assurance, as you begin to embed that you are capable and worthy of pleasure!
Breaking Taboos and Myths Around Solo Play
You may have heard that there are a few myths out there about sex and sexuality, and unfortunately solo play and masturbation are no different. I won’t go into those in detail here, but let’s look at some important considerations:
1. Solo play is a natural expression of human sexuality
There is no shame in exploring your desires and enjoying the pleasure that arises from self-exploration. Pleasure is an innate human trait. It creates a feedback loop that tells us a behaviour is good so we keep doing it. Without pleasure we would be less inclined to engage in the behaviour that leads to procreation!
2. Self-exploration does not undermine a couple's intimacy
Engaging in solo play does not detract from your relationship, nor does it automatically suggest dissatisfaction with your partner. If this comes up in your relationship, remind them that this is about you, your body, and your pleasure.
3. It’s not just men that play
Female pleasure is stigmatised, and it can be seen as normal for men to masturbate but taboo for women. Well, it’s both normal and actually quite healthy for women too!
4. Your desires are valid
Your desires, preferences, and fantasies are valid and worthy of exploration. Explore them in a safe space, free from shame and judgement.
Techniques and Tools for Enriching Solo Play
It may be that you already delight in the joys of solo play, and now you want to find ways to level up your experiences. Next time you have some alone time, try exploring some of the following:
1. The power of fantasy
Entertain your wildest thoughts and desires in the safety of your imagination, immersing yourself in what genuinely excites and arouses you. What scenes or scenarios can you image that will really turn you on?
2. Experiment with touch
Investigate the range of sensations available to you by exploring different types of touch, pressure, rhythm, pattern and tempo.
3. Introducing sex toys
Experiment with sex toys during solo play and see what you can discover. Consider vibrators, dildos, or even sensation-enhancing products like lubricants, massage oils and feathers (such as ostrich).
4. Engaging the senses
All of your senses are pleasure receptors. Make your solo play a multi-sensory experience: Incorporate sensual stimuli such as scented candles, soft fabrics, or soothing music and create a more immersive and indulgent atmosphere.
Developing Mindfulness and Presence in Solo Play
There’s really no other way to truly maximise any experience than being fully present. Cultivating mindfulness will help you stay present, expanding your awareness and heightening your experience. Consider the following for incorporating mindfulness into your solo play:
1. Focused breathing
Engage in slow, deep breaths, allowing them to guide you through your self-exploration, anchoring your focus on the present moment. If you get distracted, bring you attention back to your breath.
2. Body scan
Before you get started with your solo play, you may find it useful to develop a practice that will help you get out of your head and into your body, such as a body scan.
3. Intention setting
Before embarking on a solo play session, set an intention. This could be to explore something specific, or to abstain from orgasm for a set period of time to heighten arousal, or perhaps to experiment with a new toy.
4. Non-judgemental awareness
Approach your solo play with compassion and openness. Avoid self-judgement or self-criticism, and as you explore your desires remember it is a journey of self-discovery, not a strive for perfection.
Conclusion
Solo play and self-exploration offer invaluable opportunities for self-discovery, personal growth, empowerment, and the prospect of greater sexual satisfaction. You can embark on a transformative journey towards self-discovery and authentic self-expression by embracing your solo practice with an open and curious mindset, dispelling myths and taboos, and exploring diverse techniques, tools, and approaches.